April 29, 2014 at 8:15 pm #3722
Hello everyone, my name is Victor and I am a single father struggling to see my son.
It all began in 2011 when I met the most beautiful women ever, at least at the moment it seemed like it. We dated for 2 years, even moved in together after 3 months of dating. It was February 2013, I was applying to law schools when my ex walked in to our apartment and said “I’m pregnant”. My heart immediately stopped and my jaw dropped. She began to cry and asked me what she should do. I looked into her eyes and said “I love you and no matter what I will be by your side, it’s your body you decide.” Once she told me she wanted to me a mother I was so happy! I couldn’t wait to tell everyone that I was going to start a family with the most amazing women ever. We broke the news to our families, of course my parents were a little concerned because of law school and starting a family, but i told them that I wasn’t going to be the first nor the last person to be in this position.
The first trimester was amazing! Seeing a little tiny heart beat for the first time was unlike anything I had seen before. We went ring shopping because I wanted to do the right thing and be married before the baby was born. Her parents started to look at wedding venues, it was all happening fast. Then May rolled around, and along came all the problems. We started to argue over the dumbest things. Everything was falling apart, I didn’t get accepted into law school which meant I had to retake the lsat and she decided to move back in with her parents because of the arguing. I was under a lot of pressure and she needed me to be her rock, but I didn’t know how to do that.
After months of going back and forth trying to make things workout, changing for us, she decided she didn’t want to be with me. During those months I wasn’t invited to the appointment to find out the sex of the baby, I was told through text that we were going to have a boy. All I wanted was my family back.
THE BIG DAY…
It was November 7th when I get the message that she is at the hospital. I was told by her mother, “Victor don’t worry, they are inducing her tomorrow morning at 10. Go home and get a goodnights rest.” How could I sleep knowing that I was about to become a father. That night I received a text from her youngest sister letting me know that I should get there at 6am because that was when they were going to induce my ex. I was there bright and early ready to see my son come into this world! It was 4pm when Noah Alexander came into this world. It was truly religious experience, something so beautiful that words don’t exist to describe the feeling you get when you see a little person come out of someone. The tears of joy started to pour out, I could not believe that I helped create this precious little human being. That night I had to tell my parents that they would have to come the next day to see their first grandchild because mom was to tired to see people meanwhile her mom, dad and 2 sisters were there. My parents could have easily just seen him through the window at the Nursery. The following day my family came to see the newest addition to the family as well as close friends. That night I was told to go home, that I would be uncomfortable sleeping on the tiny couch. When you are wanting to spend time with your newborn son, those things don’t matter. The following day I was informed that my son was not going to have my last name, my last name was going to be treated as a second middle name. That broke my heart, I immediately left to room and ended up right in front of the chapel at the hospital. I walked in and began to cry, asking God why am I in this position. What did I do to deserve this?
For the next 2 months I was going over to her parent’s house to see my son. I would spend a couple of hours after work during the week and a whole day on my days off. This continued up until I was served a letter from the Attorney Generals office that my presence was requested to discuss child custody and child support. The day came in mid January and that’s when the person I once knew become someone else. The state of Texas decided that I should see my son 2 to 3 times per week for 4 hours, supervised, for 16 periods. Once those periods were over then I would go to 16 periods, 2 to 3 times per week, unsupervised. How does a father bond with his newborn son when he is only allowed 8 to 12 hours per month to see him? To top it all off, I was given zero rights to his medical decisions, education, etc… And they even gave her no restrictions on where she could move. At any moment she could have taken off to the UK with Noah and there was nothing I could do about it. Noah’s mom thought that this was fair… I looked at her and said, “We both know that this isn’t fair, you weren’t raised like this and neither was I. We have both been fortunate to come from a ‘normal’ family. Noah didn’t ask for this, he didn’t ask to be brought into this world into a broken home.”
The day that changed everything….
Up until this point I had taken my parents with me to my “visitations” so that they could see their grandchild. Then one day in February I was told by Noah’s mom that my parents weren’t allowed in to see him, her reason was because I was behind on child support. My payments had to be mailed in because my wages weren’t being garnished directly from my checks. What kind of human-being tells someone to check their son’s grandparents at the door? That day I was told that I was a f-ing child, a f-ing infant, and f-ing idiot by her father. This wasn’t the first time that he had disrespected me with foul language either. Since, February my parent’s haven’t seen their grandson.
The beginning of the end…
By this point I went and sought legal advice, I was tired of my kindness being treated for a weakness. After speaking with my lawyer and getting lectured for agreeing to such terrible terms at the AG’s office she gave me hope. Then that hope was abruptly halted. I received a letter in the mail letting me know that Noah’s mom and Noah were moving to Dallas beginning May 1st.
I am happy to inform that now this puts us in a better spot because her moving over 100 miles away voids our current terms. This means that modifying my visitation schedule will be more feasible. Although the legal battle hasn’t started it gives me hope to know that we are in the process and soon Noah will be able to spend time with his other family. Even though I question why I was put in this situation I realize that it’s moments like this that bring out who we truly are, and they make us stronger. I was told by a complete stranger one day that God has a path for us, but sometimes we stray from our path and when we do we eventually find our way back. I feel like I was told this so I wouldn’t lose my faith.
For all of us going through this, no matter what beliefs you have, things are going to change. Some way some how things will have a positive change, we just have to stay positive. Let these challenges in life make us stronger, because one day that little person is going to grow up and be able to think for themselves. Even though that day may seem far away, it will come and we will be able to look into their eyes and say we never gave up, they were always loved and none of this is their fault.
Noah, daddy loves you, te quiero con todo mi corazon. No importa la distancia, el amor que tengo por ti nunca sera mas grande que esa distancia!
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