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  • #3930

    backwash
    Participant

    I never knew of this location other than to see it talked about tonight on Fox. Thank you for the site. If anything I sincerely hope that what I have to say helps someone dealing with PAS.
    Fist I’m a Dad.. I had become aware of just what was happening to me after doing searches on the internet as everyone else seems to do when the most Horrific thing to happen to a parent. No one deservers this. It’s PAS! The thing is for me my Ex is Narcissistic. Which is a personality disorder[1] in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and to others in the process. The definition says only 1% of the population is effected by it. I beg to differ. After so many years I had gotten a grip on two things I dealt with. Granted, I am not a Dr. in Psychology But I should be after 18 years of this Horror show I’ve been in. You must understand that generally these folks are two steps ahead of you before you even know what is going on. So, don’t think of yourself as Not being on top of this. It just won’t happen. I would suggest that you Never look at you Ex as your friend. I did and it was a mistake. It’s just something they will use against you down the road. Hint: You’ll see what I’m talking about after you ask a simple question of them. Ex: Where are you going this week etc. They will lock up. What made my situation even worse I have no Family. None. The only thing I had left is my friends. They mean well but Really they tire of what they see as Drama. It’s Real to you.. If you need to talk to a Psychologist do so. Get this off your chest. It’s unbearable at times. I know I have been there. Courts where I’m located are not the best for Fathers nether are the Attorneys. In my case.
    In my situation I had to deal with my Ex and her Family after a year her new Husband. Gurr! Don’t do anything Dumb. Makes you look bad and a trip to jail Is not going to help you in the future. I never did anything btw. She was wishing for it Believe me. Nope it’s a Narcissist’s trap don’t do it.
    I saw my children maybe about 6 times at most a year. Slowly drifting off to less and less. as the years have gone by. The reason for it is your Ex will come up with excuses to fill those times your suppose to have your children. It will always be important things for the kids. Their involved in XYZ sport. My Ex lived 4.5 hrs away. So she wouldn’t bring the kids up half way to met me. Guess what? there’s another trip to court. If you have the money to do so do it. I was tapped out. Trying to talk to the kids is another good example Well their off with XYZ ‘s house. Can’t come to the phone.. With the nature of my work it was impossible at times to get a set time. I was a 1000 miles away.
    Never talk ill of the other with the kids ( I know it’s tough not to do so) Don’t! it’ll make you look badly. Your Ex is already giving ( PAS) information to them that is Negative.. Don’t reinforce it with comments to the children.
    I could go on here but will wrap it up with this info about myself..
    I was married for 16 years and dated for the first four years. So 20 years. I had caught my wife having a affair twice. Of course, that was the end for me. I wasn’t abusive to my Ex and I did not do Drugs or the booze. I thought I was married forever. At the time my children where 4 & 6. Today my daughter is going to College and my son is getting out of the Navy Boot camp here on the 23rd. I wasn’t given a ticket to go see him Graduate from his class. The remaining tickets I guess are going to the Ex and her crew. Wonderful! I would love to tell all of you that it gets better. For me it hasn’t.. in parts it has but the biggest part hasn’t. It’s not that I have given up. I haven’t but it Will wear you down. When the kids get older what ever the case may be it will get worse Teen years. ( I just noticed the part above about my background in Booze drugs or running around myself which I wasn’t but it almost becomes second nature to say it. There’s always something wrong with YOU/Me.) Maybe you’ve felt this also?
    Even as I guy, I have dropped all the tears I can over this but you must press on it will consume you. You still have your life to live.

    All the Best to folks dealing with PAS my prayers go out to you..

  • #4088

    Richard Thomas
    Participant

    Please support Illinois HB 5425, a shared parenting bill. This is the best chance we have of ensuring children have access to both good parents. If a judge determines that both parents are good and fit then they have the first 90 days of any divorce action to come to an agreed parenting plan. If one or both fail to agree, then the non-custodial parent would get the option of at least 35 percent minimum parenting time per week ordered to facilitate even bonding. The bill as strong bi-partisan sponsors, but needs your support to pass into law. I am a co-author of the bill. Richard Thomas, NurseRichardThomas@gmail.com

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